Nemo Goes Bananas

I'd run out of aftershave. Not strange, considering I have to shave almost everyday to keep up the pretense that I am a manager and it wont do any good to enter the office with a stubble.

I am an old school guy when it comes to cosmetics and I never use anything that contains soap or strong chemicals. I use soapnut. But I have to use a shaving cream and an aftershave. From as long as I remember, my choice had been simple : Old Spice. I have never felt like trying anything else. I just love the way 'whitewater' or 'fresh lime' smells.

Coming back to the point where I started this narrative, I'd run out of it. And I mentioned it while shopping with my friend. He's a good guy, but I realise he should have been in sales rather than in HR [I do agree that HR requires the same kind of sales skills and I am sure in his deepest thoughts, he accuses me of being a sales guy too]. So, he says he wants to buy an aftershave too... He picks up some variant of 'Axe'. I tell him I am picking up my Old Spice. He says nonsense, that is why you are still a bachelor. I ask him what's the relationship between me using Old Spice and remaining bachelor. He says, use Axe, a lot of bikini clad babes will hound you wherever you go. I am drooling now. Here I am, a 33 year old has been Casanova, under pressure from cousins and aunts to get hitched to some hapless girl and settle down. And I am being told bikini clad babes will hound me... Would you fault me when I succumb to such temptations? He's decided for me too. He picks up the pack which has 2 Axe aftershave bottles. I get one.

I cannot sleep that night, restless... Awaiting the next opportunity to use that seductive magic lotion. Next morning, I chicken out. I have to go to the office. I cannot afford to have babes hanging to my arms as I enter a very conservative workplace. What will my team say? I squeeze the last couple of drops of 'whitewater' from the plastic Old Spice bottle, grateful that it was not the old style ceramic bottle. I see that there is a little left of 'fresh lime' too. I resist the bikini babe temptation for a week.

On saturday, I decide to test my new Axe and go to Jayanagar area which has the highest density of 'oglable' babes. Forget hordes, even if one is hooked by this magic lotion, I can go back to tell the folks back home that they can end their useless search for my bride.

I usually hold my breath [I guess most guys using aftershave also hold their breath just before slapping on the liquid heat on to their chins] to numb out the sting of alcohol on skin. The anxiety of trying out a new thing, the anticipation of wonderous pleasures had made me breathless as I poured out my new Axe on to my palm. I slap it on my chins still holding my breath and closing my eyes too [perhaps my subconscious imagined that this would change the way I look too]. This was too mild, surprising me. Then I open my eyes and let out my breath.

I take in some air. It smells weird. I wonder what that familiar smell is. Smells like pineapple and bananas... someone's making a cocktail of juice, I think. Then I realise that the smell is much closer than someone else' house. I feel it on me.

I look at the bottle and read what's written on it. It says 'An arresting fusion of sweet juicy fruits'. I take a bath and rub my face furiously to remove the smell. I regret not having read that before getting myself embalmed in this idiotic fruity smell. I regret having been disloyal to my favourite brand. More importantly I regret that there wont be a bevy of beauties fighting over me.

I keep that bottle open all the time and my bathroom smells like a juice stall. Heartening thing for me is : there have been no fights among beauties to use my loo. :D